|| Immediately I began to notice
a tell rose fragrance at certain locations. I started to look for
the source. I checked all kinds of places. I smelled the essence
bottle, I sniffed over by my orchids on the kitchen window sill,
I pulled my top out and sniffed down it.
No order of the rose there. Yet, it was
there and very strong. Then I knew. It was coming from inside of
me. Not the outside, like sweat of garlic order. But really just
inside of me. It was the essence in my nose, brain, memory and my
heart. I could feel it. Grace. I have done a watercolor with Evelyn.
There is a melancholy quality about it. Rich, deep and somewhat
saddened, like bitter-sweet chocolate. Not a negative think, just
present. Something to be acknowledged. It adds to its definitive
beauty, like a blue moon. I have
| found Evelyn to be primarily about grace,
quiet strength and acceptance. It teaches you discrimination where
excesses are reviewed in a very calm, undisturbed but gentle way.
It gives you the opportunity to gather yourself together. It is
somewhat like Shamanism where you call yourself back. Not only in
today’s incarnation but across the past incarnations by way
of all kinds of mental, emotional, spiritualside trips, tunnels
and interesting pathways. But always with a graceful acceptance.
The color dulls out with Evelyn. It is not florescent coloring like
some other essences. The orient, jewel colors came into mind, like
an old oriental carpet. Nothing else would do, but ageless, timeless
colors that lend comfort to the process.
| Purification in
love... this essence is as solid as a rock. I have never painted
with a gemmie before and barely have used them because I do not
feel mature enough at 51 years old to handle their power but I loved
the power of Charoite. Simple, to the point, no bull, this is what
it is and here is the detachment you need to deal with it. I supported
Charoite internally with Holly as I painted with Charoite because
I felt I needed to be able to let go of the emotional stuff the
reality of Charoite brought up.
This essence is a joy to paint with. It is responsive
and immediate. It does not alter the colors but enhances them to
their highest beauty. It is cooperative with the process and blends
beautifully, giving each pigment hue its own space and place in
harmony with each other. There is little or no tension even when
using complimentary colors like blue
| and orange together. Wahoo, it just shines and shimmers.
This painting just fell together, unlike the Evelyn essence which
was a melody of opposing tensions. It heightened my reality and
awareness to a place where I could be more receptive and open. I
was a little daring with this painting and possibly a little reckless
and careless but it came together beautifully by giving it its own
|| Tiffany is the first rose
essence that has not dulled out or over saturated the watercolor
paper. Her color is about as true as any of the essences I have
worked with so far. She allows you complete control and is very
disciplined in her application. Because of the depiction I choose
to use Tiffany for, I had to paint on a vertical plan, like any
oil painter. The problem with that is water runs. This is why watercolorists
work on a flat plan. Tiffany allowed this vertical work
| with no problems. The level on concentration and
focus was more intense than any thing I had ever experienced. Some
times I can get away with a little daydreaming while working a painting
but not with Tiffany on the scene. She wanted your full, complete,
and dedicated concentration. It wore me out but I was extremely
satisfied with the results of the effort. Tiffany seemed to open
psychic forces that allowed messages to come through. I would be
asking myself about what I should do about a certain problem I was
having on the painting and I would receive answers from outside
of myself, psychic answers. Be it angels, guides, grandmothers or
grandfathers the answers to my questions were there for me almost
as if in a conversation. The fact that I was painting, pleine aire,
at The Lakes, which is Morris Grave’s Private Studio on his
estate that he left as a Foundation in 2000 for artist, may have
had something to do with it. I don’t know. I only know it
was there for me and I consider this to be the culmination of all
I have learned about watercolor work to date. The Panels, as I call
them, are my masterpiece work.
| One expects to be betrayed by a lover or a friend,
but when a child betrays you, it really hurts. Maybe you deserved
it, maybe you didn’t. Just trying to reconcile it is a killer.
My heart is broken and can not be mended. Mothers and Sons..Damn
the perfect Universe that brought me Y’ves Piaget rose essence.
It is about releasing past grievances and grief. It is the ClearingHouse
of that you wish to deny.
Bears!!! Why did I keep on having actual Bear sightings and encounters?
Sure I live in bear country but I never saw four different bears
in 30 days or heard about bear encounters from so many others. I
was on the trail again for surely,
This was a sign of the Divine. It was time to connect the dot.
I went to the Trinity Tribal Stomp in isolated Hayfork,
Ca. I felt, instinctually, that in order to solve the mystery of
the bears, I needed mountains, sunsets and three days of music,
dancing and more dancing. This festival had it all.
The first night sunset was okay but did not produce
any connections for me. As I watched the sky darken on the second
night I realized that it was not the sunset but the stars I was
interested in. I saw the Big Dipper and felt a truth. As soon as
I got home I looked up Ursa Major. It was the Great Mother BEAR!!
Ursa Major includes the Big Dipper; the only constellation
I can recognize in the sky as it is the best-know group of stars.
When Zeus fell in love with Callisto, his jealous wife changed Callisto
into a bear. Ursa Minor is the little bear. Callisto and Zeus had
a son, whom Zeus changed into a bear and put in the sky. Ursa Minor
is also called the Little Dipper. It includes Polaris, the North
Well, there could be no doubt now. I had
to paint this image and deal with my betrayed mommy stuff. All those
stars are my 1,000 tears that fell on the paper as I worked. I have
to wash away the grief and sorrow and move ahead in my relationship
with my son. Seeing my love for my son in long strides instead of
short terms. After all, he is just a huMAN and I will forever and
always be his mom.